Runaways: Why They Run and How We Can Prevent It

The statistics on runaways in America are sobering.  Between 1.6 and 2.8 million youth will run away from home this year!^[1]  One in seven of these children will leave between the ages of 10 and 18.   Fifty percent of these children run away due to family conflict.  Fifty percent of runaways in shelters say they were asked to leave, or believe their families do not care that they are gone.  Although many of these children will return home voluntarily within a few days, those who do not are at risk of sexual exploitation, drug addiction and violent crime.

There are typically three types of runaways.  The first is the “throwaway” child or those who leave home with the tacit approval of their parent or guardian.  The second group is the “push-outs” who are turned out of their home by their parent or guardian.  The last group is those who leave home due to a home life they perceive as intolerable.^[2]  The blame for this epidemic used to lie squarely on the shoulders of the runaway. These children were viewed as destructive lawbreakers, kids who rejected parental authority.   Focus has only recently shifted to the effects of the family environment to explore the root causes and treatment of the problem.^[3]

The overwhelming majority of runaways (between 60-70%) leave because of physical, sexual or emotional abuse at home. The second most common reason is drug or alcohol dependency.  Other factors include lack of family communication, lack of sense of belonging (low self-esteem), violence or fighting between parents or guardians, problems with blended families (step-siblings, step parents), a death in the family that is not handled properly, family financial difficulties, friend or peer influence including gang activity, and teen pregnancy. 

InstantAmber recommends the following runaway prevention tips for parents:

Pay Attention - Listen when your children are talking with you. Don’t just nod your head while you’re watching television, reading the paper, or using your computer. Don’t just pretend to listen to them. Kids know the difference!  

Give Respect - Acknowledge and support your child’s struggle to grow to maturity.

Understand Your Child - Try to sympathize with what your kids are going through. Look at life – at least occasionally – from their point of view. Remember that when you were their age, your ideas seemed to make sense to you.

Don’t Lecture - Everyone hates to be lectured, especially teenagers. We all respond more favorably to clear information and direction, when we know that the questions we ask will be answered and respected.

Don’t Label - Useless labels will only confuse the real issues that you wish to address.

Discuss Feelings - Talk about what it feels like to be a parent. Share with your child the things you need from him. Encourage him to talk about his feelings, too. When parents share their feelings, children know it’s safe to share their own.

Foster Responsibility - Give your child choices, not orders. Help her to understand the consequences of her actions. When punishments need to be administered, try asking her what she thinks would be appropriate. Make sure the punishment fits the “crime” and is consistent with other actions you’ve taken.

Give Praise - Describe your child’s positive and negative behavior and how it affects others. Be specific and give praise to reward good behavior. Positive behavior acknowledged is positive behavior repeated. Try to praise your child than you criticize.

Stop Hassling - Asking too many questions often shuts off information. Give your child the opportunity to volunteer her thoughts and feelings, while you show a sincere interest, without probing.

Don’t Always Give The Answers - You want your children to be able to find their own answers or solutions to problems. You can help this by not giving them the answers all the time. Instead, discuss options. Play “what if” to help them develop problem-solving skills.

Use Team Work - Work together with your child to lay out the problems and find mutually agreeable solutions.

Parents should pay attention to the following warning signs in their children which can precipitate a runaway event: changes in sleep patterns; personality changes including mood swings and bursts of anger; withdrawal from family and friends; over-reaction to family changes including stress from death, divorce or a move to another city; and difficulties at school (poor grades, truancy, fighting, etc.).

Be Prepared - InstantAmber (InstantAmber.com) is an online registry consisting of secure, individual family vaults which are at all times the property of and in control of the subscriber.  Parents are carefully guided through a user-friendly process of entering data and photographs critical to law enforcement’s efforts to successfully recover a missing child.  In the event of a missing child emergency, the subscriber simply provides law enforcement with his email address and a personally-selected law enforcement password, whereupon the officer can immediately access and download a comprehensive set of data, including photographs.  InstantAmber’s system provides the fastest possible way to get accurate, potentially lifesaving data and photographs into the hands of law enforcement, which is the single most important factor in increasing the odds of successfully recovering a missing child.

If your child does run away, take the following steps immediately as the first hours following a child’s disappearance are the most critical:

1.   Remain calm. Think of the logical places your child might have gone and the reasons he may have gone there.

2.   Check with your child’s friends, school, neighbors, relatives and anyone else who might know where your child is and pass any information on to law enforcement officials.

3.   Notify the police and file a missing persons report. There is no waiting period for reporting a missing person younger than 21 to law enforcement or to the National Crime Information Center (NCIC).  Make sure the law enforcement officials enter your child’s name and description into the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s (FBI) NCIC databases.  If local law enforcement officials won’t do it, contact your nearest FBI field office and they will.  The Missing Children Act of 1982 mandates this.  (With an InstantAmber membership, simply give the police your email address and law enforcement password!)

4.   Make sure to record all details of the investigation in a notebook, including the name and badge number of the reporting officer.

5.   Provide law enforcement officials with a recent photograph of your child.  You should also provide them with any DNA samples, finger prints, and medical information.  (With an InstantAmber membership, simply give the police your email address and law enforcement password!)

6.   Make sure law enforcement officials file your child’s information with your state’s missing-child clearinghouse.  (With an InstantAmber membership, simply give the police your email address and law enforcement password!)

7.   Call your local runaway hotline, if there is one, as well as the National Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-621-4000.

8.   Report your missing child to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) at 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). (With an InstantAmber membership you can immediately notify NCMEC by email!)

9.   Have posters or fliers made.  Use a current photograph and make an accurate description of your child.  The poster must include the phone number with area code of your local, city and state law-enforcement agencies.  Do not include your personal information. All leads should go through the law-enforcement agencies. (With an InstantAmber membership you can immediately print these materials right from your account!

Additional resources and information can be found at the following websites:

National Runaway Switchboard www.nrscrisisline.org

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children www.missingkids.com

Covenant House www.covenanthouse.org

Runaway Teens.org  www.runawayteens.org

Polly Klass Foundation www.pollyklaas.org