March 15, 2010
By Pattie Fitzgerald, Founder Safely Ever After, Inc.
Your kids know all about personal safety because you’ve had that conversation with them way back when they first started school, right? But this is one conversation that you absolutely must have with your children more than once in order for it to mean anything. In fact, personal safety should be a familiar topic of discussion that you start when your kids are young and continue as they become ‘tweens and even teens.
Why?
Reason #1:
Because kids need to hear this stuff more than once to let it really sink in. Like anything else, kids learn by repetition. They especially need good strong reminders about appropriate behavior in others as they mature, gain more independence, and interact with other adults more frequently on their own without being under our watchful eye.
Reason #2:
Because statistically, kids between the ages of 9 and 12 years old are the most vulnerable when it comes to sexual abuse and abduction. That’s when they’re often out in the world on their own for the first time, whether it’s at the mall, at a sports activity, or even riding bikes around the neighborhood. And we owe it to them… to arm them with good prevention education and support, letting them know that we’re still here for them no matter what.
Think about it.
Our younger children get lots of attention from their caregivers. We’re involved in their daily activities more -- whether it’s school, after school activities, playdates, etc. Our little ones are usually supervised more closely than the older kids. And then… they get a little older, and parents step back, assuming they’ve educated the kids about the world around them and that the kids know all about this stuff by now.
A Big Mistake
Time and time again parents mistakenly think that once their children reach the age of 10 or 11, that they know what is “safe or unsafe”. All too often, once children reach middle school, parents are ready to take a “breather”, confident that those ‘tweens are full of street smarts and can take care of themselves.
The Opposite is True
Did you know that our ‘tweens are more easily tricked and manipulated by a molester’s grooming techniques than younger children? That’s right. Kids in the ‘tween ages are also less likely to disclose about sexual abuse or even talk about “red flag feelings” they may have about another person. They’re afraid if they tell you about the soccer coach or the next door neighbor’s weird touch, that they won’t be believed or that somehow they are responsible in some way for that other person’s harmful acts. They also keep things quiet, for fear that you’ll take away some of their hard-earned freedom and start restricting their daily activities. And molesters know this… in fact they count on it.
Keep The Dialog Going
Start the “safety talk” early, and keep it going as they grow. Look for “teachable moments” with your kids. Introduce concepts such as good touch/bad touch/confusing touch and let your kids know that they can always talk to you about someone’s inappropriate behavior. And most importantly, let them know that it is never their fault if someone touches them in any uncomfortable or improper manner.
A Guideline for Parents
Please check out the Safely Ever After Age-Appropriate Chart to see what kids should know about personal safety at every age.
Download Age Appropriate Safety Guidelines
About the author
Pattie Fitzgerald is recognized as a leading expert in the field of childhood sexual abuse prevention. She is certified as a Level One Agent and Child Safety Educator through the National Security Alliance/Kid-Safe Network, and previously worked as the original Community Outreach Educator for the national child advocacy agency, Parents For Megan’s Law.
In 2007 she became a guest instructor for the Los Angeles Sheriff’s M.E.R.I.T. program and her workshops and curriculum are used at schools throughout the United States. Her published works have appeared in newspapers, national magazines, and trade journals throughout the country, and she has been featured on Good Morning America, CNN Headlines News, MSNBC, and local Los Angeles television and radio news programs. She is a member of the American Professional Society On The Abuse of Children and the International Society of Crime Prevention Practitioners.
