April 27, 2010
Child Predators & Molesters… How Do They Do It? By Pattie Fitzgerald
Think you would be able to tell if a child molester was using deceptive “grooming techniques” to gain access to your child? In many cases, the red flags can practically be under our noses, and yet time and time again parents who learn that their child has been victimized will often make the same remarks… “I had no idea… He was so nice… He seemed to really care about the kids… He didn’t look like a molester.”
FACT #1 – Molesters don’t look like the “boogeyman”. If they did, it would be easy to stay away from them. Child molesters are cunning and experts at deception. If they weren’t, they’d never get away with their despicable acts.
FACT #2 – Molesters are typically NOT strangers. 90% of the time, they have a relationship with their victims and the family.
WHO ARE THEY??
Relatives, family friends, cousins, older siblings, the ice cream man, that nice old man who lives next door and seems so harmless, the soccer coach or teacher who takes such a special interest in one particular child, above the others. Sadly, it can even be a babysitter or other trusted adult who cares for our children.
DOES THAT MEAN I CAN’T TRUST ANYONE??
No one wants to go through life distrustful of everyone. And, you don’t have to. But smart parents know that there are red flag behaviors that are usually present when someone is targeting a child, “grooming” that child for their own devious purposes.
Molesters use cunning tricks and ploys to gain our trust. That’s their first step. Once they’ve accomplished that, they can proceed with their second step, which is to sexually victimize their target.
It’s our job as parents to be aware and alert to certain behaviors in those who interact with our kids. If you or your child become aware of the following red flags, do not allow “one-on-one” alone time with that person. By recognizing these tricks early on, we CAN intercept the grooming process BEFORE it feeds itself into actual molestation.
RED FLAGS AND WARNING SIGNS:
Someone who repeatedly ignores social, emotional or physical boundaries or limits
Someone who singles out one child as a special friend, lavishing them with a lot of extra attention, gifts, flattery – developing an age-inappropriate relationship with that child
Someone who often insists upon or suggests a lot of uninterrupted “alone” time with a child
Someone who refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits
Someone who insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention
Someone who shares inappropriate personal or private information with a child, that should normally by shared with adults only
Someone who frequently points out sexual images or tells inappropriate, suggestive stories or jokes with children present
Someone who seems overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen, and talks repeatedly about the child's developing body
Someone who appears to be “too good to be true”, frequently offering to baby sit different children for free; taking children on special outings alone; often buying children gifts or giving them money for no apparent reason
Someone who frequently walks in on children/teens in the bathroom
Someone who continually invites children to spend time alone at their home, enticing them with the latest games, toys or gadgets — especially an adult who does not have children of their own
Someone who seems especially preoccupied with your child, often calling, texting, or encouraging a sense of secrecy with that child
Pattie Fitzgerald is the founder of Safely Ever After, Inc. and provides educational workshops and consultations to parents and children, to keep kids safe from childhood sexual abuse. For more information, please visit: www.safelyeverafter.com
May 25th Marks 28th National Missing Children's Day
